Monday, April 13, 2009

My Boy




I have had a very emotional time of late. Many of you that know me well, know about my boy and the wait for surgery since October. Well I got the phone call saying when he is to be done thanks to my doctor rattling some cages for me.

He is to go in this week, for intensive IV treatment to help prepare his lungs for the surgery.

Then he will have the operation for his nasel polyps. It will not be a easy operation as it is near his sight and brain. I'm hoping the polyps haven't grown roots as they are well known for this, and they do grow back.

Finally a chance for my boy to breath properly the first time in 4 years and hopefuly regain some sense of smell, and for his fingers not to be blue from lack of oxygen.

It's funny how you share so much of your selves to strangers on blog land yet people who know me don't often see this side of a mum worried sick.

I will be offline for a little while as I will be travelling back and forth each day to the hospital, a 3 hour round trip. I will check in though.

I was first given this poem below when I had Matthew, it is really how I feel and many others with children with a disabilty. Please take the time to read it


The Poem "HOLLAND"

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

It still touches me today, that poem.

Jen

PS: Thank you to all who have been sending me their warm wishes.

PPS: Just wanted to say "hi" to my dear friend Dawnie who is going through a rough time, I am thinking of you dear girl take care.

54 comments:

Cecile Nichols said...

My heart goes out to you, your son and your family, Jen! I hope everything goes very well!

Cecile

Sue said...

all the best for you and your son Jen. What a lovely poem, food for thought I think.

Gaye Todd said...

That poem gave me goose bumps.... Jen - I will keep you and Matthew in my thoughts this week (and always). You take good care, drive safe and hope all goes well..

xxx

Joanne said...

A truly wonderful poem Jen, tugs at the heart, prayers for you and Matthew this week, hope to hear more (good) news soon, take care, Joanne and Sarah x x x

Gretz said...

The poem brought tears to my eyes.

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help, you have my number.. although work is pretty stressful right now :-(

Will be thinking of you all

Greta

Moniqui said...

I wish you and your son all the best Jen!You will be in my thoughts!
btw, i love that poem and you know,once you get to know about Holland,it is a great place to be!
hugs from Holland!

Candy said...

What a thoughtful letter about changed expectations. I feel God's grace woven into the words.
Blessings on your family as you walk through this.
Know that there are those holding you up in prayer that you may never ever know. Sisters in the Spirit.
Grace and Peace, Candy

Ro Bruhn said...

Hope everything goes well Jen. Will be thinking of you and Matthew on Wednesday. Take care and hang in there.
Ro

Sarah said...

Wonderful poem Jen, you know where I am if you need anything, even milk put on your doorstep for you.. Will be thinking of you Matthew.

Julie van Oosten said...

Jen and Matthew we are thinking of you and hope it all goes well and glad to hear that the op is going ahead, take care Julie & Tad

Gaby Bee said...

All the best for you and Matthew!
You will be in my thoughts! Love your poem.
Happy Easter to you and yours!
Take care,
Gaby xo

Chari said...

Hello Jen...

I'm just coming from Candy's place where she mentioned keeping you & your son in prayer...so I wanted to come by!

I'm just another "fellow" blogger...but I am a believer in prayer!!! I can only imagine your anxiousness in the coming events for this week...I am definitely praying for you and your son, Sweetie!!!

Sending you & your son my very best wishes and prayers...
Chari

*jean* said...

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers & I hope all goes well...

Natalie B said...

Jen, all of my love and best wishes to you, your son and your family.Will be thinking of you all and sending loads of positive vibes and love your way.

Dixie said...

My friend Candy put it best... "life is always better when you live it on purpose"...

sending prayers and blessings for strength and wellness.

Anne, Bulles dorées said...

I wish you the best, for you an for your son. Take care.

lklight said...

You & your son are in my thoughts, remember to breathe & to take good care of yourself.

vintage moon studio said...

Dearest Jen... know that I am keeping you and Matthew in my thoughts and daily prayers. Wishing I was closer to be of some help. Stay strong - have faith that all will be well - and know that your dear Mom is watching out for him. Sending much love - Deb

SarahD said...

Hi Jen, Thinking of you and Matthew this week. That poem definately food for thought Jen.
Big Hugs

Love Sarah xx

lindacreates said...

Jen, you know you and Matthew and Nicole will be in my prayers. I just know all is going to go well and Matthew will be able to breathe, smell, get oxygen, and enjoy life to the fullest. We love you all. Your Sis in the USA

Judy said...

All the best to you all, I am sure you will be relieved, so much waiting...
Hugs
xo

Linda Cain said...

A beautiful poem. My prayers and hugs coming your way. Hoping for only the best.

Your Friend in ART,

Linda

Kim said...

Holland really puts it all in perspective , it's a poignant analogy. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers , and ask our pastor to add you two to the prayer circle as well , ok? That said - YAY! As stressful as this time is , I'm thrilled to hear that it's finally arrived for him! In my life the most positive changes have always been preceded by some really tough times , and I'm hoping this will be true for you too. Take care and be positive , and I'll look forward to hearing some good news soon.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo! :}

Lucy said...

Dear Dear Jen,
What a beautiful poem. You are an amazing Mum! My thoughts will be with you & Matthew constantly as he has his treatment.
Stay strong!
Hugs Lucy

Lady Di said...

That little verse was wonderful, all the best with your son and the travelling back and forth. Sending you hugs, Di.

Kim said...

Such a thought provoking poem Jen it really does make you stop and think. I wish you and Mathew all the best for the coming weeks, hope it all goes well for you both, don't forget to rest yourself as well. Hugs.

Jo Horswill said...

All my very best wishes to Matthew, you and family...Thinking of you lovely Jen :) Drive safely and take care...Jo xx

inventivesoul said...

~*HUG*~

Sam Marshall said...

Hi Jen,
♥I hope everything goes smoothly. I'm thinking of you and your family.♥

kelsey said...

Big hugs to you, Matthew & Nicole and I'm guessing it's pretty hard on Mark too as he's not here at the moment. I'll be thinking of you and sending West Aussie healing mojo over to you to keep you all safe.

Love the poem, it's very poignant!

Kathy said...

Thinking of you all Jen, I hope everything goes well for Matthew. Take care with the driving back and forward.

Kathy XX

gorefamilyusamex said...

My thoughts are with you through this really difficult time. I hope that everything goes well for your family.
Take care of yourself
Sue G
xxx

rivergardenstudio said...

My heart is with you and your sweet son, Jen. What a beautiful poem. Roxanne

Kasha Rolley said...

Jen, gorgeous poem. My thoughts are with you, I am sure it will all go very well. Kasha

WoobiE said...

Hey mum its me David. Sorry I havn't said much. I've been talking with Matt for a while and I wish him and the whole family the best. I'll pop around Thursday afternoon at the hospital. Hope to see you and the family there.
David

Gail said...

Love and my thoughts go to you and the family Jen.

Megan P said...

My thoughts are with you, your dear boy and your family Jen. sending healing thoughts. Megan

azirca said...

What a beautiful poem, so moving.
*hugs* to you and your family.

Jacky said...

Hi Jen, thanks for sharing that poem with us, it really is food for thought.
Thinking of you all today and sending you and Matthew a big warm hug.

Jacky xox

Tami Roth said...

Jen, will be thinking of you and your son and hope all goes well. Such a beautiful poem you shared. Take care, hugs,
Tami

Kim Logan said...

Try not to worry Jen, and show Matthew your calm, everything will be fine face, to ease his own fears. Thinking of you and sending cyber hugs.
x

Fanciful Expressions said...

My best wishes for you and your son,Jen. You'll both be in my prayers for a better than good outcome. Remember ,Jen, to take care of yourself during this trying time. It's the best way to help your boy heal and get better.

Hugs to you both,
Carolyn

Ebony van der Starre said...

Hey Jen, I haven't visited your blog for such a long time and I just took a look. I am wishing you all the very best with your son's operation.My thoughts are with you and your family. What an amazing poem......
Your work is AMAZING by the way!
Good luck, Ebony(li'l mumma Warrnambool) xxx

ginny said...

All I can say Jen, is that hugs, prayers, good wishes are all being sent your way.

ANNETTE HUSBAND said...

Hi Jen
hope all goes really well for Matthew and you.Your words made me cry....I'd go to Holland with you anyday and dream of Italy too.
hugs
Annette

Steph said...

Keeping my fingers crossed ! I know this disease too well... Will keep you and your son in my thoughts ... take care..

Debbi Baker said...

Thinking of you and your family Jen and wishing you all the best. And that poem really does put it so beautifully!

lindaharre said...

Jen.....We have a child with disabilities and I have heard this poem before:) It really touches a nerve and brings everything down to the basics! Yes, I love Holland even though it isn't Italy!!!!!

Susan Tuttle said...

Dearest Jen,
I have been thinking of you and your beautiful boy each day and sending warm, loving thoughts. I hope you can feel them.

Much Love,
Susan

Tumble Fish Studio said...

I am severely behind in blog visiting so I am sorry I wasn't here to wish you well sooner. I am touched by your poem and know what it means, really means, as you know. It is a beautiful and profound description. And I'm sorry I haven't had my son follow up with your son. It gets talked about but the two of us are not in the same room at the right time for me to connect them. I feel badly about that. So, know that even in my neglect, I am and have been thinking about you and your whole family and will say prayers for you all!

marsha

diane said...

Oh Jen, I am beginning to understand what you have been experiencing. What a wonderful poem to tell us to enjoy the journey, wherever it may be, just "be".

Manon Keir said...

And... Holland is a lovely place!!
All the best for the operation Jen!!!

ArtPropelled said...

The poem touches me too. Very beautiful. Thrilled that your Boy's operation was a success. Having a lovely Sunday morning browsing your blog.

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.